Peer pressure gets a bad rap. Those two words are usually associated with bad choices and a bad crowd. But, peer pressure might be just what we need to do …
Always bring two
I witnessed one of the most beautiful moments of coaching five years ago. I was an observer as one of my team members gave an intern a piece of advice …
“Do less, then obsess” (~Morten Hansen)
There’s a lot of cheap talk about focus these days. There’s a staggering amount of evidence that doing too much at once creates mediocrity and burned out employees. This week, …
Spiritual Beings having a Human Experience
This quote is attributed to French philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. Since we’re spiritual beings, that makes our body the container of our ‘true’ selves. If our container is simply …
The essential step to designing a life you want
In the world of work, there’s a balance in being open to opportunities and acting with intent.
Last week, I spent some time listening to the Women at Work podcast from Harvard Business Review. The episode Couples that Work helped me think about the career world in which I live.
The research presented in the podcast highlights how much is changing in our expectations of partnership and marriage. Jennifer Petriglieri, a professor at INSEAD, provided one of the most useful suggestions for navigating dual-careers and family life.
“And then the third thing is to take the time, you know, again, this doesn’t need to be every day. It doesn’t need to be every week. But take the time every so 
often to have those preemptive conversations. What is it we’re aiming for individually and together? What is it that’s going to make us thrive? And what choices might we need to make to make that happen? Because all too often, a decision sort of comes upon us, and we’re trying to make the decision at the same time as figuring out what we want, and at the same time as figuring out how that’s going to fit in with each other. And that’s when the conflicts really rise. So if we can take that time, even if it’s just twice a year, to really sit down and think about what we want, and this isn’t like 15 years in the future planning. It might just be the next year or two years. But like, what’s coming up, and how are we going to make this work together before we get to that firefighting phase, that would be exceptional.”
I’ve realized recently that for my entire career I’ve operated with a ‘fear of missing out’ attitude. I’ve said ‘yes’ when I would’ve said ‘no’ if I’d actually had the career map that Petriglieri references. In my professional and personal life, I’m still growing in my own reconciliation with the fact that there is abundance (of opportunity, of resources, of time) rather than famine. When an opportunity has been offered, I’ve taken it out of fear that it will never be offered again.
It’s a fine line.
Spend some time with yourself, with your partner (if applicable), and think about what you want. What will make you thrive? What choices might you need to make in order for that to happen?
You’ll be one step closer to living the life you want.
Set an intention
I bet that most of us are just happy to make it through a Monday. But, ‘making it through’ is not ‘making the most of’. Once, I had an enlightening …
How to get the most out of life: “Ski the bumps”
There’s a moment when you have to lean downhill if you want to survive a run called Highline in Vail. Every muscle in your body wants to turn your skis …
Does anyone have any idea how tired I am?
Of course you don’t. How could you know?
I don’t even know.
Until, I slow down.
But the more important question is “Does anyone know how tired you are? Do you?”
Three years and four months ago, I went to pick up Chinese take-out. A new business had opened up next to ‘Crazy Wok’. It was a massage and facial franchise called Hand and Stone.
Outside, There was a wheel that people could spin — it was a customized roulette wheel, divided into small pie pieces, each with a unique prize.
Holding my Sesame Chicken and Lo Mein, I spun.
I won 50% off a massage.
I needed it.
I just didn’t know how much.
That ‘what-the-heck’ spin led me to a healer-in-skin. Once a month I lay on the perfectly heated table for 50 minutes, while Toshina finds the knots.
Until she begins, I never realize how tired I am.
And, how good it feels rest.
We don’t talk. (I’m not a ‘massage talker’).
Instead, I think. (And, confidentially, I may drool a little bit).
Through some of the most stressful periods of my life in the past three years and four months, I have given myself that 50 minutes.
It seems decadent doesn’t it? A massage a month? I had my first massage when I was 28, and probably three before I spun that wheel.
The experience, however, is worth every penny.
I leave ready for the world.
Somehow in those 50 minutes, every knot she loosens, every restorative push/pull/pressure, imbues me with a fresh canvas for the month ahead.
In that stillness, I’ve found answers to questions, made decisions about bold moves, and anchored to a deep appreciation and gratefulness for the experience.
As we seek to bring positive energy to our world, don’t ever diminish our role or the battle: we are warriors.
And, even warriors need rest.
Find something that gives you rest, then commit to it. Put it on your calendar and guard it. And, if it feels a little decadent…even better. You deserve it.
(And, if you happen to live in Ft. Lauderdale, go see Toshina at Hand and Stone on Federal Highway. You won’t be disappointed.)
You have something in your teeth
Friday evening, I attended an event after work. There wasn’t time to eat dinner, so I grabbed a protein bar and nibbled as I waited for my friends to show …
#NeverAgain
For the last few years, I’ve gotten very curious about how movements happen.
A ‘movement’ is defined as “a widespread change that a group of people working together to advance their shared political, social, or artistic ideas.”
Movements aren’t easy, but we’ve started to see more of them. The Women’s March on Washington, for one.
Unlike the orchestration of top-down change, movements are organic. The change might seem insurmountable at first, but is capable of rallying people to take a stand. They often take courage, are grass-roots, and are one of the most powerful examples of human connection.
People come together and give the best of themselves for something they believe is unjust…and they just won’t take it anymore.
On the week anniversary of the school shooting in Parkland, I’m inspired by the group of students who are insisting something this horrific will not happen again. A colleague’s daughter shared her experience and the #NeverAgain movement on Canadian television station, CBC.
It made me think…I call myself a change management practitioner.
How might change agents around the world bring our knowledge and skill to the movement forming in my own community?
A movement that will save lives one day?
Well, here’s a start. To Nikki and the group of courageous students who will right-size the Second Amendment, here’s what I know about making a movement happen.
The quotes below are from The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
- “Movements don’t emerge because everyone suddenly decides to face the same direction at once. They rely on social patterns that begin as the habits of friendship, grow through the habits of communities, and are sustained by new habits that change participants’ sense of self.”
- [In reference to the Montgomery bus boycott that catalyzed the Civil Rights Movement]: “Much like Alcoholics Anonymous—which draws power from group meetings where addicts learn new habits and start to believe by watching others demonstrate their faith—so Montgomery’s citizens learned in mass meetings new behaviors that expanded the movement. ‘People went to see how other people were handling it,” said Branch. “You start to see yourself as part of a vast social enterprise, and after a while, you really believe you are.'”
- “But when the strong ties of friendship and the weak ties of peer pressure merge, they create incredible momentum. That’s when widespread social change can begin.”
- “The habits of peer pressure, however, have something in common. They often spread through weak ties. And they gain their authority through communal expectations.”
In one of the most entertaining TED Talks to grace the TED stage:
Both Duhigg and Sivers share research that indicates movements take strong will and patience. Sometimes they don’t go as fast as we want them to, but it doesn’t mean they won’t happen.
Building to the tipping point has everything to do with perseverance and belief that we can no longer tolerate the status quo.
It takes knowing that events like those at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas are unacceptable. #NeverAgain.